Compliments pack a positive interpersonal punch when done well. But excessive compliments are often perceived as flattery (and that’s the kind way of putting it), and overly enthusiastic compliments make people feel uncomfortable.
To tap the power of compliments without veering into flattery or awkwardness, keep five tips in mind.
1. Connect your compliments to something meaningful. Don’t comment on someone’s nice teeth; comment on their nice work. Focus on things related to achievement or professional attributes (Your ideas about the Gatorville account are great; I like the way you keep the situation in perspective when things get tense) or general demeanor (You’re easy to work with; Thanks for keeping things light around here). Avoid compliments in professional settings about physical looks or appearance (You look really good in those pants; Nice sweater) because the downside usually exceeds—by a longshot—the upside.
2. Be concise. Long, rambling compliments or drawn out monologues are awkward—think of some of the worst wedding speeches you have ever heard. One-sentence compliments are extremely effective, while long-winded monologues will make all but the most narcissistic personality feel uncomfortable.
3. Don’t gush. There’s nothing wrong with an enthusiastic compliment, but don’t go over the top. It’s unnecessary, it’s awkward, and it’s counterproductive.
4. Spread your kudos widely. Make sure that it’s not only one person, like your boss, who’s getting your sunshine. Your boss may deserve praise occasionally, but keep it highly specific and work related. And don’t overdo it. If you are complimenting your boss in public, or complimenting your boss frequently, you are dangerously close to kiss-up territory.
5. Don’t argue with perceptions. If someone has a negative reaction to your compliment, don’t argue. If he or she feels like something you said was out of line, it was. Immediately apologize for making the other person uncomfortable. Say something like: “I’m very sorry. I was trying to compliment you and I apologize for mangling it” to reduce the negative impact of a errant compliment.
People love compliments, so use them frequently when justified. Just stay within the bounds above to steer clear of kissing-up because excessive compliments are awkward, uncomfortable, and unproductive. Connect your kind words to something meaningful, and let your compliments work their interpersonal magic.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.