It’s an unfortunate communication reality that important conversations are often loaded with misunderstandings. You receive an upsetting diagnosis from your doctor, but can’t remember key parts of it thirty minutes later. Your boss tells you that the company’s getting acquired, but you have trouble recalling what she said after that. A teacher relates your child’s classroom problems at a parent-teacher conference, but you have difficulty relaying the conversation to your spouse when you get home.
In important conversations, it can be difficult to silence your internal mental chatter and pay attention to what’s being said. Unfortunately, your swirling thoughts can often crowd out your ability to follow the conversation.
Five actions will help increase your comprehension when the conversational stakes are high.
1. Record the conversation or ask someone to sit in with you whenever possible. This is almost always an option in personal situations (like doctor-patient conversations and conversations with teachers), and is frequently an option at work too. Stay calm during the conversation so you can tamp down on the extraneous thoughts and spontaneous conjectures that are making it difficult for you to understanding what’s being said.
2. Focus on the words themselves, not on any speculation about what the words might mean. You’ll have plenty of time to hypothesize later. Get the actual information first, while the conversation is still happening.
3. Ask questions or seek clarifications and restatements if you don’t understand something. Questions and requests for clarification will also slow the pace of the conversation if you find that it is getting ahead of you. Check your comprehension at the end by summarizing the discussion as you understand it. Verify from your conversational partner that you correctly comprehend the basic information.
4. Write down the highlights of the conversation immediately after it’s over. Get the facts down first: what’s happening, when it’s happening, and the immediate consequences. Then write a summary. After that, jot down any other thoughts you want to capture. Begin a list of follow-up questions if necessary.
5. Use your summary and notes if you want (or need) to talk with someone else about the conversation. This will help the other person understand the issue more quickly and completely, and can help reduce subsequent misunderstandings. Let the other person read your follow-up questions, and ask if you have overlooked anything.
Misunderstandings are all too common in important conversations. The ideas above can improve your comprehension when it matters the most.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.