Rehearsing conversations in your mind has distinct pros and cons. On the upside, thinking through conversations can help you identify key points, form your message, and anticipate likely responses. But mentally rehearsing conversations can also easily and unnecessarily raise your anxiety levels, cause you to see phantom issues, and pre-commit you to a conversational script that might not survive the first response of your conversational partner.
Fortunately, there are three simple and effective ways to help keep your mental rehearsals productive:
- Visualization
- Cognitive restructuring
- Relaxation
You can remember these techniques by the name VCR.
Visualization is a mental rehearsal that focuses on positive conversational outcomes, and can often ward off some of the unnecessary anxiety that we often inflict on ourselves prior to important conversations. You might visualize that you’ll make a successful sales pitch instead of ruminating on ways it could go wrong. Or you might imagine that a conversation with a colleague leads to a workable truce instead of more fireworks between you. The point of visualization is to focus on how a conversation might succeed, instead of obsessing about the ways that things might go wrong. In so doing, visualization often helps you chart pathways toward more favorable outcomes.
Cognitive restructuring involves analyzing why something is bothering you, and then uncovering and correcting any faulty assumptions. Essentially, this process involves poking holes in your own faulty arguments. Let’s say you are worried about an upcoming work presentation. Your mind conjures up a anxiety-provoking scenario: What if my presentation bombs? What if they ask questions that I can’t answer? We’ll lose this client. I’m going to get fired. How will I going to pay the mortgage without a job?
Restructure this doomsday scenario by challenging your argument: I’ve done dozens of presentations like this, and none of them have failed spectacularly. And why am I worried about questions? This client has never asked questions before, and they’re highly unlikely to start tomorrow. Besides, if they do, I know most of the answers already or I can look them up quickly. And we’re not going to lose this client based on my presentation alone. They’ve been with the company for years, and they know we do good work. Cognitive restructuring helps you walk back from flaws in your logic and unhelpful exaggerations that are adding unnecessary stress to your mental rehearsals.
Finally, relaxation techniques are perhaps the simplest ways to prevent your mental rehearsals from becoming counterproductive. Relaxation techniques include controlled breathing, taking a break, or listening to music that calms—and doesn’t agitate—you. Use relaxation when you prepare for a conversation, and again just before the interaction. A few seconds of serenity, if you can grab it, can sometimes mean the difference between words you regret and words that never materialize.
The VCR techniques—visualization, cognitive restructuring, and relaxation—can improve your mental rehearsals for conversations that matter. For better conversations, turn on your VCR.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.